If you want to be my lover

I am not conservative entirely but there are a few views that are true. Women and men are different. I'm currently writing a book which you can read more information about it here www.ambigudating.com. I haven't really done much with the site. 


I'm a professional commitmentphobe. Even so, I think I'm less commitmentphobic than most. 


I'm at 16 pages so far. It's the first book in a series of two books.


So what I have to say is that I have spoken to quite a few women who are looking for relationships and I hear so many of the same issues over and over again.


For one, I can't understand this idea that there is a shortage of men available. I am not a model. I am tall for my gender. I am not skinny. What I am however is proud, on the whole, of who I am, and I accept my faults. And I never see this "shortage" of men - ever.


I believe that part of being in a relationship is being a whole person and accepting another person, as a whole - imperfections included.


In an age of internet dating, it's fairly disturbing the mentality of people nowadays. 


Oh she's too tall? Oh she's too short?


Oh she's too fat. Oh she's too skinny.


He's bald. He's too short. He's ....


She's...blah. He's blah. BLAH BLAH!


All these reasons to cancel someone out.


There are species on the planet that mate for life. There is a genuine beauty to a shared existence. Of course, modern life makes this difficult.


My question is, honestly: who believes in a "real love" anyways. I can have a feeling of love and care for many people. Not a functional nor good relationship does that necessarily make.


I believe fundamentally that commitment is essential. Everything else follows. 


And now back to my subject matter.


Women. Stop being so accessible and easy.


Men, stop thinking that just because a woman wants you to pay for dinner, she's a gold digger.


Women. Stop acting child like. Men are not your fathers.


Men, stop fearing dependency. 


I believe women have a right to sexual liberties. But unfortunately I also feel this doesn't work in a woman's favour. The more women that allow men to use them sexually, or who have affairs with married men, or who allow men with girlfriends or relationships to cheat  - with them - just perpetuates this disgusting cycle....


...that women have no self respect. Still. And men take advantage of this.


My recent joke is, "I could have an affair with a married man, but I would never date him if he left his wife: I won't date a cheater".


This is to say that it is within my right and power to have sex or fool around with anyone I wish, but would I want that "cheater" for a long term relationship? No way.


I am not perfect. And I am a sexual being. But most importantly, I do not respect men or women who give it away too easily or too much in a self destructive and potentially dangerous manner. This is why I require and prefer a monogamous relationship, if for no other reason than general safety.


If you're interested in a purely sexual or romantic experience - go for it.


But if that's all we are we're no better than primitive apes, so please do not try to convince me you are more sophisticated in any way, and do not make fun of me when I go wild on a dance floor.


Men have not been very successful at picking me up at night clubs. I tried the experience over a decade ago, and found that after about 5 minutes of chatting to the person I "went for a walk with" there was absolutely no connection whatsoever. But he was so hot? Why couldn't I just have a fling? Because I'm not an ape. 


I have choices. I choose whether to have a sexual experience or not and generally speaking, it's not what I am only interested in. 


Oh, and FYI to my male friends who think I am gay. I'm not. And FYI to my friends who think I have this uncontrollable high libido. I am in control. And I do not need any plastic toys whatsoever - thank you. Mother nature gave us all the power to fulfil our primitive needs. I'd rather have a fruitful and joyful partnership but inevitably I am quite happy no matter what, even if that leaves me travelling through this wonderful lifetime  - alone. This is the existential truth - we are alone no matter what.


So, if you want to be my lover, we got to be, more than friends. But just because I may want you for my lover, doesn't mean I will accept you as one. 


R.E.S.P.E.C.T. - Aretha Franklin. 


Peace!




Kiss Me by Stephen Duffy